One year after starting transparentZak, I feel good and eager to try again. Like any life phase change one goes two steps forward and one step back. Real change takes time.
That said, in one year I feel like a new man. Since December ‘17:
Realized my dependence with and left a deeply toxic organization I was part of for 6 years.
Quit my daily dependence on cannabis, which functioned to depress and alter my relationship with the world for 5 years.
Became someone who meditates.
Maintained a supportive and growing relationship with my girlfriend.
I took long periods of resting, not worrying about whether I’m accomplishing anything. This time let me process and settle into living in the present moment. Between April and September I intensively read books about meditation for hours out of the day. As a recovering codependent, it’s ironic that I immediately became attracted to Shambhala International, which is now being exposed in it’s operation as a complex personality cult. It’s tough to study western Buddhism when much of it is built from, or closely associated with Shambhala lineage.
“Life streaming” is already a reality for thousands of people on the internet. I believe there is huge potential for anyone who wants to use life streaming to advance the creation of a product, service or activism. Living with radical transparency to the public has the potential of waking you up, shedding the blockages inside and makes you confront exactly who and what you are in the moment. If anything, I’ve been avoiding doing this more, even though I know I want to.
As when I started transparentZak, my only rules are to be totally honest about what I think, feel and want to do in the moment. The past 6 months of low activity may show I don’t have some pathological attachment to life streaming. As I’ve said before I’m not proud or ashamed of some of the things I wrote or said, they just are. Becoming present with the chaos of one’s mind is the first step to giving up on constant chaotic, anxious thinking and feeling.
Going forward, my goal is to develop software for meditation-based community organizing. Soon you will be able to follow progress on YouTube/Twitch.tv.